Divorce Him

Maybe I am not Ready to Date!

2009-09-21T16:00:00.002-04:00

I have been on two dates in the past few weeks. When I was asked when they could see me again, my first thought was, "not on the weekend!"

My best friend lives almost two hours away and he comes up on the weekends to hang out with me.

I am not ready to give up any part of that time to go on dates yet. I am having too much fun just being with my friends, acting stupid and feeling care free.

So I think for now, unless someone that I just adore and think is truly wonderful... I am going to enjoy this time with my friends.

I feel like I never got to hang out with friends and have fun since I got married at 16.

I feel happy right now, so I am going to enjoy it and keep going on the same track that I am on!

I Went on My first date!

2009-09-08T14:09:00.002-04:00

My friends and I were hanging out at the pool on Saturday when this guy drives up on his boat. He gets off the boat and we start talking and he gave me his number... So weird how that happened cause I don't ever meet anyone.

I haven't ever been on a real date before. Not even with my ex-husband. I was soooo nervous, I wasn't sure if I was gonna throw up at one point.

I got up and got ready so I started drinking! Figured that would take the edge off. I was so nervous! I installed Loopt on my phone so the guys could track where I was at and one of the girls gave me a knife to take with me! HA! Then I text them as soon as we got to the restaurant with the restaurant name.

He forgot to open my door the first time we got in the car but he opened it all the other times.

We went to breakfast then went back to the house and he was totally cool with hanging out with all my gay friends. That is a big deal for me because most straight guys aren't cool with hanging out with gay men. We hung out by the pool then went to the gay beach, then we went to my friend Shane's house and ate dinner and he came there too. So I ended up spending the whole day with him.

I told him that I will be taking things slow and he seemed pretty respectful of that and said I was always in control.

Now I hate this part where I have to figure out what is the best time I should call him now. Do I wait a few days, do I text him, do I let him call me???? All these questions are running through my mind! OMG! Doesn't dating come with a road map!?

Divorce Cake with Barbie on Top

2009-08-08T14:28:00.000-04:00

Divorce Cupcakes

2009-08-05T14:20:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Divorce Cake

2009-08-04T14:56:00.000-04:00

Flickr

I think this is cute and I should have done this myself! I actually had a party on the One Year Anniversary of my divorce but after talking with friends we decided to call it a housewarming party for my new place!

Divorce Cake... She kicks him out!

2009-08-03T14:17:00.000-04:00

Divorce/Single Again Cake

2009-08-02T15:20:00.001-04:00

Flickr

Divorce Cake...

2009-08-01T14:15:00.000-04:00

Divorce Cake - Prince lost his Bride!

2009-07-31T14:50:00.000-04:00

Flickr

Divorce Cake... Take the trash out!

2009-07-30T14:13:00.000-04:00

Divorce Cake...

2009-07-29T14:48:00.000-04:00

Divorce Cake... I am free from the dumbass!

2009-07-28T14:12:00.000-04:00

Jon and Kate Plus 8 Divorce Cake

2009-07-27T14:41:00.000-04:00

Jon and Kate Plus 8

Divorce Cake... He moves in to a tent and she gets the house!

2009-07-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

Another Cute Divorce Cake!

2009-07-25T14:35:00.000-04:00

Thanks Pink Enlightenment!

Happy Divorce!

2009-07-24T15:57:00.001-04:00

Happy Divorce!, originally uploaded by nuther.com.

DIVORCE cake!! the headless groom!!

2009-07-24T15:55:00.001-04:00

DIVORCE cake!! the headless groom!!, originally uploaded by cdgleason.

A Divorce Cake with the Wedding Ring Coffin

2009-07-24T13:53:00.004-04:00

I had posted a few months ago about the Wedding Ring Coffin. My mom sent me this picture this morning and someone made a divorce cake and incorporated the Wedding Ring Coffin into it.

You can purchase your own Wedding Ring Coffin here and bury your sadness forever!

The Wedding Ring Coffin has been featured on Rachel Ray, Good Morning America, Time Magazine and many many other news outlets!

The New Girlfriend Leaves Another Voicemail!

2009-04-13T21:10:00.001-04:00

The crazy new girlfriend of my ex-husband called again over the weekend. I haven’t spoken a word to this girl since December. Why does she keep calling me!? What could she have to say that I would care about? I saw her number come up on my caller ID and handed my phone to a friend to answer. They told her to stop calling me but she is relentless. She called three times yesterday. I was hoping she would leave another message so I could post it for everyone to hear but she didn’t. Maybe it was my ex-husband calling but I doubt it. I am sure in a few more days she will grace us with another drunk message.

Ex-Husbands New Girlfriends Voicemail

2009-04-06T19:02:00.004-04:00

This crazy girl won't leave me alone (ex-husbands new girlfriend). She calls my phone all hours of the night when she is drunk and sometimes when she is sober. This call came out of the blue last week so I decided to have fun with it and post it on the internet for my own amusement and for others to laugh at her. Enjoy!

Men Don't Change!

2009-03-17T16:11:00.003-04:00

I found an old USB drive today and started looking at the documents on it. I found this post that I wrote and never posted. It says I saved it June 18th 2007. Little did I know when I wrote it that I would have moved out and be on my way to a divorce less than six months later. I have grown so much since I wrote this. I am kind of proud to post it because I know I am so much better today...

There should be a special place in heaven for wives like me that put up with as much turmoil as I have over the past 11 years. For as many years as I have hung in there and waited for him to hit bottom, I keep thinking that we have to be there by now.

He isn’t an angry drunk… not usually. But he does stay up all hours of the night, sometimes until the sun comes up the next day. Our dog and I are restless the entire evening that he is drinking. Even our dog can’t settle down and go to sleep until everyone is in the house for the night. I wake up periodically wondering if he has come in yet and he hasn’t. I wake to the sounds of my husband and the neighbor “hooting” and “hollering”., falling down, yelling, and falling in to things.

I will get up the next day to a backyard full of beer bottles, cigarette butts, liquor bottles and a mess. When he runs out of beer he raids my liquor, which I will have one drink every now and again. When he drinks liquor he blacks out and can’t remember much. This time he wakes up at 3:00 pm on Saturday, still drunk… and angry, blaming me and telling me that I have an attitude problem and I can pack up my stuff and leave.

His family are all alcoholics at best, every last one of them. Alcohol changes my husband. If his family calls when he is sober, he usually doesn’t want to talk to them. But when he drinks, he calls them or will pick up the phone when they call. He will stoop to what I call “their level” and act just like one of them.

I often feel left along the way-side wondering when this tornado of a marriage will finally end. I keep asking myself, how long should I keep my promise to God? For better or worse... At what point is enough, enough? I am sick of having that sick feeling in my stomach on the way home from work, wondering whether it is going to be quiet night or not. I have had so many extremely embarrassing drunken episodes with him on vacation, the whole time we are gone I am in fear of what is going to happen.

He doesn’t think that he has a problem. But he does…
He has no self control. It can’t be one or two, it is either all or none. He doesn’t understand any of my feelings. I keep looking for signs of what I should do, all of my friends and family wonder why I stay. I wonder sometimes too. I guess if I could pack a suitcase leave in my car without hurt, pain, anger, and memories… I would. But it isn’t that easy, I wish it were.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

Divorce via Text on your iPod!

2009-03-04T11:00:00.003-05:00

My Very First Date Was Psycho!

2008-12-23T01:21:00.002-05:00

A guy messaged me on MySpace and asked if I would like to meet up for coffee or a drink.

He had cute pictures, so I figured... why not?

So we met at Starbucks and talked for about 45 minutes. Then we parted and things seemed OK.

The next day he sent me an instant message and asked if I would like to come over that night for a few beers. I reluctantly agreed. I didn't know the guy and figured that this is a little dangerous.

I asked him to come to my place. He said..."Don't you have roommates?" I said yes so he said he wasn't coming here. I thought this was suspicious.

So I agreed to go to his place after going against my better judgement. He called me from the store and said that he was picking up beer, rope and duct tape to tie me up with. I told him that wasn't funny.

He sent me a text a few minutes later saying that he is home and to come over.. AND "the axe is real sharp."

I said there is no way I am going over there. That isn't something to joke about when you don't know the person.

I sent him a text saying that I am staying in for the night. He immediately calls and I didn't answer and left a raging mad voicemail. I called back about 30 minutes later and he said he had steam coming out his ears cause I canceled. I thought to myself... if he gets this mad about this, what would happen if we got in a real fight.

So that was my first dating experience and I think for now I will continue to hang out with my friends and have a good time. If I happen to meet someone by some large chance then great, if not, I will be single forever.

I Left Him One Year Ago Today

2008-12-08T11:37:00.004-05:00

I wish I wouldn't have remembered this anniversary so early in the day, but I did.

I moved out one year ago today. I can't say that I could pack more emotions and life experiences into one year. I look back at the last year and think about all of the places I have gone both mentally and physically and I dumbfounded.

Not only was this one of the toughest years mentally for me but I can say that in the past year I have experienced so many different and new things it has been amazing.

I just threw a Christmas party this past weekend and over 100 people showed up. That wouldn't have happened if I was still married. I have so many friends now. Before I had a handful and finding the time to hang out with them would be tough.

I have visited so many new places and traveled more this year than in any other year of my life. I can honestly say that I had a blast this past year. While there were some trying times for me as far as sadness goes but then I would go out and have a blast with friends.

I have grown more this year I think than any other year of my life. I am excited to see what the next year will bring to my life...

So here is a toast to the next year of my life and a toast for making it through the past year!

Why Does She Keep Calling Me?

2008-12-03T23:42:00.002-05:00

My ex-husbands new girlfriend called me again last night. Why won't she leave me alone? She called and babbled on for a while...

I told her that he and I are going to remain good friends for the rest of our life and she needs to accept the fact that I will never quit calling there.

He says everytime I call, she blows up and they get in to a fight. She claims that she doesn't get mad but that isn't true.

She said to me... "I found a nice picture of you guys and I am not even going to tear this one up!"
WTF? I told her not to tear up our pictures because we spent 12 years together and she has no right to tear things up in his home.

WTF is wrong with this girl? I immediately called my ex when I got off the phone with her and told him the entire conversation. She started beeping in on each of our phones and neither one of us answered it, which I am sure burned her up. HAHA!

I Can't Stop Dreaming About Him

2008-12-02T16:20:00.002-05:00

I recently have been dreaming about my ex-husband a few times a week. When I wake up in the morning I feel as though it was the first morning I woke up after I moved out. I feel so sad, lonely and hopeless. I have been wandering why? Why did things have to end this way? Why can't we be together forever?

He would told me he would dump his girlfriend and take me back in a heartbeat but I can't live with his alcoholism. I just can't do it. We stay in contact and talk maybe once a week.

I miss him so much, it really does hurt. Today, I am really down and not sure how I am going to get through this low time.

My dreams are of us getting back together. The one last night was of us getting back together and me regretting it.

I know everything happens for a reason but right now I don't understand why this happened.

My First Thanksgiving Without My Ex-Husband

2008-11-25T00:01:00.002-05:00

This will be my first Thanksgiving without my ex-husband. I made the decision to move out two days after Thanksgiving last year. I ended up moving out two weeks before Christmas. While that is a terrible time to split up, I got the first Christmas without him out of the way.

After Thanksgiving I will have all of my "firsts" out of the way. I know I will still be sad on Christmas but it has to be better than last year. Not only was it a really fresh wound but I lived alone at the time too. That was really sad for me.

I am spending Thanksgiving with my roommate at his grandparents house. It will be a setting that I really won't be allowed to be sad in, so that is good.

Photo By: Romeo's Mom

The Ex Husband Shot Glass

2008-11-24T19:42:00.003-05:00

Since I got divorced I started making up for all of the time that I stayed in and didn't experience being young. I never went out and partied, went to bars or clubs. So now I am making up for lost time! I think I will invest in a couple of these cute shot glasses.

The Ex Knife Holder

2008-11-21T17:07:00.001-05:00

I was in Key West a few weeks ago and saw this knife holder in a store window. I thought it was adorable and would be a perfect gift for my ex-husband! :)

For $69.99, I would love to give this to my ex-husband. Seeing his face when he opened it would be priceless!

It even comes in a variety of colors. I know if I give him a pink one he probably won't set it on the counter. But if I send a stainless steel one to match his appliances, he would definitely set it out on the counter! :)

Wedding Ring Coffin

2008-11-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

I love my wedding ring, I think it is beautiful. I don't think I should wear it and I don't want to sell it either. I came across this site today that is perfect for my wedding ring! The Wedding Ring Coffin

Divorce Yard Sale Sign

2008-11-19T15:51:00.000-05:00

Free Bud Light with Every Divorce!f

2008-11-18T15:50:00.000-05:00

Divorce Sign

2008-11-17T15:49:00.000-05:00

Another funny sign from the protest in Orlando this past weekend.

Gays Want To Be Miserable In Marriage Too!

2008-11-17T14:52:00.006-05:00

I love this picture from the protest in Orlando this weekend. Amendment 2 was passed on November 4th banning gay marriage. There were protests all around the country on November 15th supporting gay marriage. I had to post this picture! It's funny! :)

Photo By: Herbwoman

My Ex-Husband is Going to Be A Grandfather!

2008-10-16T16:05:00.003-04:00

That would have made me a grandmother if we were still married. I spoke to my ex this morning and he said that his son and his girlfriend are expecting. That was quite the news to receive.

I am 28 and that would have made me the step-grandmother! WOW! I am glad to say that I am not going to be called Grannie anytime soon.

His son is 20 years old and has been dating his girlfriend for two years. She is a server at a restaurant and he is a cook at a restaurant. I am sure neither of them carry health insurance.

They are going to have a rough road ahead of them. I wish them luck and hope that the baby will be healthy.

Madonna & Guy Ritchie Divorce

2008-10-15T20:03:00.004-04:00

It's official. Madonna and Guy Ritchie are filing for divorce. They were married for 8 years. Madonna is currently on her Sticky & Sweet tour, which will cost you a near fortune to attend. I guess she is going to need the cash even more now!

http://www.accesshollywood.com/updated-madonnas-rep-divorce-from-guy-ritchie-confirmed_article_11689

Divorce Rates in America

2008-10-12T22:48:00.000-04:00

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”

According to Enrichment Journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

The divorce rate in America for childless couples and couples with children
According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless.

Cambodian Couple Saws House in Two in Divorce Settlement

2008-10-11T22:48:00.005-04:00

From the Associated Press
12:24 PM PDT, October 11, 2008

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia -- A couple in rural Cambodia has terminated their 18-year marriage with a divorce settlement that entailed sawing in two the wooden house they once shared, villagers said Friday.

The husband, 42-year-old Moeun Sarim, has taken away with him all the bits and pieces of his half a house, said his 35-year-old wife, Vat Navy.

"Very strange, but this is what my husband wanted," she said by phone from a village about 62 miles east of Cambodia's capital, Phnom Penh. She said they ended their marriage last month.

"He brought his relatives and used saws to cut the house in half," she said, adding that she now owns the other half that is still standing. The house is made from wood with a tile roof and propped up on wooden pillars, a typical style for a Cambodian country home.

She said her estranged husband and his relatives, after ripping apart half of the house, carried all the debris to his parents' house nearby.

She said the divorce was prompted by her husband's jealousy about her alleged relationship with a policeman in the village. She denied having an extramarital affair.

"He wanted a divorce, and I said, 'Let's divorce,"' she said.

The husband could not be reached for comment.

Bou Bout, a village chief, said local officials and police were present as witnesses the day the couple split their 20-by-241/2 foot (6-by-7.5 meter) house into half.

"Local officials tried three times to get them to mend their differences, but the husband would not budge," Bou Bout said by phone.

http://www.latimes.com/features/custom/oddnews/la-on-divorce12-2008oct12,0,7337896.story

Men Suck!

2008-10-11T17:40:00.000-04:00

I was hoping that the guy I met would talk to me. UGH! I aimed him and talked to him but I initiated it. I was hoping he would ask for my phone number and call or text me but he hasn't.

I don't want to be the pursue, I don't want to chase anyone and I even know if he likes me. :(

So I must not aim him anymore and just let him contact me. It's hard but I can do it.

I Quit My Job!

2008-10-09T19:52:00.003-04:00

I am freeeeeee! I quit my job. I loved what I did but couldn't handle my boss any longer. Things will never change so I changed my situation.

Not sure what the future holds right now but I know it is a bright future. I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I walked sixty miles for breast cancer over three days. It was the hardest thing I have done both physically and mentally.

I am going to take it easy. Probably travel a bit. I have a trip to the Keys and Greece planned. Other than that, I am not quite sure yet.

I will just have to be a little frugal with my money while the fog is clearing from my mind and my goals begin to stand out.

Here is to being freeee!

Looking for a New Apartment... already!

2008-10-05T21:07:00.001-04:00

Time flies... I can't believe I have been in my (first) one bedroom apartment for almost a year. I got the notice that I need to make a decision whether I am going to renew my lease or move. Colonial Properties so nicely let me know that they are raising my rent to $1,000 a month if I decide to stay.

So I am moving! I need a roommate anyway. Living alone is boring. It is nice to have a place to retreat to when I want to be alone but I probably spend more money going out to eat to hang out with friends than I should!

I figure if I have a roommate it will probably keep me at home more and save me some money.

This time when I move I will not impose on my friends and family to move me. It was hard work and felt bad that they worked so hard for free!

So, it will be time to start packing up soon. I have about 7 weeks until I have move. Atleast this is a good market to negotiate rent. People are desperate for renters right now, so I will definitely use this as an advantage.

I Think I Met Someone...

2008-10-04T21:00:00.000-04:00

I think I finally met someone. We have seen each other at conferences a few times and even have been in the same group when we went out to dinner a few times. We just never talked. This weekend I flew out west to a conference. The first morning I was there I took surfing lessons and he came too. We didn't talk too much while we were surfing but afterwards we went to breakfast with the group and chatted a little.

Then he walked with me to get my laptop from my hotel room. We ended up going the wrong way and he was very patient. We couldn't stop chatting the whole time.

He told me a really inspiring story of how he started his business. He took a leap of faith, quit his job, sold his car and lived in a 2 bedroom house with 2 other guys while their business was getting off the ground.

We grabbed my laptop and headed back to where everyone else was at for the conference. We chatted many hours over mimosa's. Then we headed over to a little bar where they had another event for us. We kind of stayed away from the group and chatted a couple more hours.

He said he never talked to me before because I am un-approachable. The funny thing is I felt the same way about him.

He is very confident and really cute. I thought he didn't like me, so I kept my distance.

After that we headed back to the tent that they had set up for us on the beach. We ate some really good bar-b-que.

Then he said, we should probably bring my laptop back up to the room so that nothing happens to it.

So I agreed and we walked back to my room...

The night quickly came to an end, way too fast! The 15 or so hours we had spent together went so fast and I was so sad that the night was coming to an end.

The next morning I boarded my flight and headed back home. The whole plane ride, I was feeling heartbroken that the weekend was over and that I met an amazing person and I don't know when I will see him again.

He lives on the other side of the country. I don't know if he has the same interest in me as I do him but I hope so.

It has been a really long time since I felt this way about someone.

Heck, I would be willing to leave my family and friends to pursue something with him out west.... Thats how much we clicked.

He Stopped By!

2008-09-17T20:42:00.002-04:00

I was on the phone with my mom this evening and all of the sudden I heard my ex-husband pull up. I told my mom that I thought he just pulled up and got off the phone. I started texting my roommate to hurry up and get home because I thought for sure he would be drunk. He hasn't shown up here in many months, especially sober.

I answered the door and to my surprise he was sober and I let him in. He just stopped by to say hi. That's really weird. I showed him some of my work that I have with my job and he was really proud.

He kept commenting on pretty I look. He told me not to drunk dial him and tell his new girlfriend that he was here.

Then he left. It was really weird but good to see him.

Trying To Move On...

2008-09-17T18:32:00.000-04:00

After the events last week I have learned that I just need to suck it up and move on. Maybe I can’t be friends with him at this point in my life. Maybe once I get to a point of happiness within myself and maybe have started to date I can talk to him without wondering what might have been.

We had a big client come in town for work this week. He offered to set me up on a date with a guy that lives in town and is in the same industry as me. I never gave him a real answer whether I would or not but I think I will take him up on his offer.

What do I have to lose? I trust the client in that he wouldn’t set me up with a bad guy. I haven’t ever been on a date before so I guess I just need to jump in to it. I looked the guy up online and he looks like a good guy and pretty cute. So I may give it a shot.

He Has a Girlfriend Already!

2008-09-16T21:30:00.001-04:00

A couple of days ago I stupidly drunk dialed my ex-husband about midnight. I called his cell phone and he didn’t answer. I called the house and a woman answered. I asked for Johnny and there was silence. Then she said, “Who are you looking for?” I said, “Johnny.”

So he gets on the phone and I ask him who answered the phone and he replied, “Monica”. I said who is that? “She is a girl I am seeing.”
My heart sank. I couldn’t believe that he could move on so quickly with his life. I can’t even think about dating at this point. I said, “I hope you’re happy.” He said, “I’m not.”

I hung up and cried my eyes out on the outside of a bar that I was at. I proceeded to go back in and drink myself sick. I was in Tampa visiting friends and had to be at work at 9 a.m.

Apparently we went to bed around 2 a.m.. I don’t remember, I think they carried me in. I woke about 6 a.m. and drove home. I cried the whole way wondering how he can move on so quickly with his life. I know we are divorced but it still hurt.

That morning on my drive to work I got two text messages. I know that he cannot type a text message so I knew it was her texting from his phone. It said, “Move on with your life. My life is great now. Have a good like ok.”
I replied with, “That’s not what you said last night.”

So he calls me later and confirms it wasn’t him and she deleted all of the messages off the phone. I asked him if he is seeing the same Monica that lived next door to us? He confirmed. She is two years younger than I, two kids with two dads and I went to school with her. Makes me think if they were messing around when I would come home from the grocery store and she would be there.

So a few days go by and he calls me at work to tell me how much he misses me, thinks and talks about me every day, still wants to hang out and be friends… blah blah blah. So I agreed to hang out sometime and be friends.

Then that night I drunk dialed the house again and after calling about five times, he answered. She was there and listening to every word. I told him to meet up with me and he said he couldn’t because she was there. I gave him one last chance or I was changing my phone number. He didn’t take the opportunity so I have a phone call to Sprint to make.

Another step in this healing process…

Kind of Sad Today...

2008-09-03T16:41:00.003-04:00

I haven't been able to shake my ex-husband from my brain for the last two days. I miss him. I want to call and see him but I know it isn't good for me.

I care about him so much and I can't believe we won't spend the rest of our lives together. I am still numb and in shock from it all.

We are so right but so wrong for each other. Amazing how that works. We are probably are more wrong for each other but still love one another more than words could ever say.

I am going to get my hair done later today and I practically have to drive by our old house to get there. It will be tough not to be tempted to stop.

I am not sure how I will make it through these sad days... somehow, someway I guess.

No, I am NOT Dating!

2008-09-02T22:09:00.002-04:00

I moved out of my ex-husbands house almost 9 months ago. I still can't say that there is a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I am still really hurt and honestly... I really miss him. Not that I would go back to him but I still miss his friendship.

My heart is still recovering. I am trying to find out who I am. Sometimes I am not sure if I am any closer to figuring that out.

My family and old friends (friends prior to the divorce) keep asking me if I am going on any dates yet. I am really tired of telling them no.

I am not interested in dating right now. I couldn't go on a date without constantly thinking of my ex and that wouldn't be fair to the person I am on a date with.

I haven't ever dated in my entire life. The whole dating stuff scares the hell out of me.

I am in a semi-comfortable state right now and I want to leave it that way. I have made a lot of new friends that I really enjoy spending time with.
That is what I want to continue to do until my heart heals some more. When I left I told myself I would give myself a year to heal and figure out my purpose... I am sticking to that!

My Life Has Been Completely Changed by a Gay Man!

2008-07-18T16:47:00.005-04:00

I haven't posted on this blog in a REALLY long time... My life really changed over the last few months.

I started hanging out with my new best friend and he has completely changed my life.

It's kinda funny... I use to tell my (now ex-husband) that I needed a gay man to hang out with, shop with etc..

Little did I know that this new life that I am living I would have a dozen gay men in my life.

These gay men are my life.

They are the most honest, loving and caring people I have met.

In particular the best friend that I am talking about is completely amazing. I love him so much. We hang out nearly everyday.

I have been traveling for work a lot lately and my heart aches when we are apart. I think he is the first person that has come in to my life that completely understands me. I feel like we are so similar, I am in the single straight girl version and he is in the gay man version! HA!

When I moved out last December I needed a friend in my life that would literally be there to talk to me, hang out with me, eat dinner with... everyday. I couldn't have people come and go once a week in my life. I know they are busy in their own lives, with work, children and marriages. But this is what I have needed and for the first time in my life... I am putting myself first.

When I am away from him for a few days I feel so sad. I can tell him anything and when I am wrong... he lets me know. That makes a great friend.

I Wouldn't Trade Where I Am...

2008-03-20T01:52:00.002-04:00

Although this has been a long rocky hard emotional road... I wouldn't change where I am. I just got the feeling tonight that I am where I am supposed to be. Everything is going to be ok.

I rarely feel stressed out anymore. I only have me to take care of, which is pretty easy most of the time.

I don't have to worry about spending my weekends on the couch wishing my husband would take me out on a date instead getting drunk all weekend.

I don't have to worry about cooking dinner either! That was the first thing that went out of the window when I moved out on my own. I always said if I were ever single that I wouldn't cook. I would have cereal or something for dinner. It is just too much work and not enough appreciation.
On the weekends, I do what ever I want! I don't have anyone to answer to anymore. I don't have a house that has to be kept up. I have a small apartment that suits me just fine.

I am thankful for where I am at this moment in my life.

The Further Away I Get From Seeing Him the Better I Feel

2008-03-18T20:07:00.003-04:00

It has been a little over two weeks since I saw or spoke to my ex. He has called a half dozen times but I haven't answered it. I had a Nextel phone. It has the "radio" feature on it. He called drunk one night held the radio button down for an hour while he listened to our songs and cried in to the phone. I never responded and I no longer have a Nextel.

That would have ripped my heart out if I hadn't just had the best weekend that I have had in years. I went out with friends and had a great time. It was so fun. If I knew that I was going to have this much fun I would have left sooner. I didn't think there was any life out there at all.

Don't get me wrong, everything isn't great everyday. But that weekend showed me that there is life out there and a different way of life.

I always thought that if my husband would just quit drinking everything would be fine. That fog has started to lift from my brain. He always said that it isn't just his drinking. Now I know he was right.

I am a very loving, adoring person. I like to hold hands, touch each other, kiss, whatever.

After a few years of feeling "alone" I got over being that lovey dovey person. I was tired of always being the person to do all of the work. I guess I didn't really get over it because I was always pissed off about it deep down inside.

He smoked so he never wanted to kiss because "he had cigarette breath". Believe it or not after being married nearly 12 years I still love to kiss all of the time. He said it was my a ge and I would get over that with time.

When we wereriding in the car I would try and hold his and he couldn't because he would have to drive with that hand and smoke with the other.

This may all sound stupid but they are just some of the instances to where he never made me feel loved.

Just like if I were to lie in his lap and watch tv. I would think that he would touch me in some way. I swear he went out of his way not to.

I do know that I want someone that can show their emotions and be loving.

I also know that I want to be happy, for what ever that is. I also just want to have a lot of fun right now. I feel like I missed out on a lot. When I got married at 16 I jumped in with two feet and acted like a wife should. I didn't ever go out to clubs or bars. I did what I thought a wife should do. Clean the house, take care of the bills, cook, be a step-parent, etc.

I guess now it is time for me to do what ever I want!!!!

Just When I Thought I Had Hit Bottom...

2008-03-05T22:21:00.003-05:00

I think I managed to hit a new low today. I have been on a downward slope all week but today I think I hit bottom.

I spoke to my husband and he told me that he had been served with the divorce papers. I told him that this isn't how I wanted things to end. I didn't want a divorce but I couldn't go on living like I was. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy. But we love each other.

I was willing to do anything to make our marriage work. I offered to go to counseling numerous times. I guess I just should have gone by myself. I also should have gone to Al-Anon years ago like my mom had suggested.

He asked if we could continue to be best friends. I would love that but it is too painful to speak to him. I keep thinking about what "should have been".

My husband was my best friend. I think that is what I miss the most. He knows things that no one else on this earth knows. I could talk to him about anything.

It is lonely to come home every night by myself and have no one to share my day with. To be honest... IT SUCKS!

I have to pick myself up off of the floor here soon. I don't like the unknown. I don't like not knowing what my future holds. It scares me...

Awesome Trip To Las Vegas

2008-02-29T21:32:00.004-05:00

I just returned from a business trip to Las Vegas. I didn't want to come home!

It was so nice to have a group of people to go out and do stuff with. I was busy the entire time. The company I work for put us up in a 5 Star hotel and fed us 5 Star food.

We went to the Ghost Bar on the top of the Palms hotel. You can see all of Las Vegas from up there. It was absolutely gorgeous. I took the picture at the top of this post.

On the plane ride home we were watching a movie and something reminded me of my husband. I thought to myself, "Damn it, I had forgotten about him for the last 3 days."

It was so nice to escape and not think about my problems. I just want to go back to that place where I was mentally.

I was with a group of men that were complete gentlemen. I have always been "in charge" on trips with my husband. I would have to plan the trip, pack for both of us, and do all of the other detail work. They took complete care of all the details. It was nice not to have to worry about how we are going to get to the trade show and at what time. They did all of the thinking!

I never had to carry my bags, open my doors, etc. It is nice to have a true gentleman around.

Keeping My Mind Busy During My Divorce

2008-02-21T23:50:00.005-05:00

I can easily compare the pain of this divorce to the pain I felt when my grandparents died. I have to keep myself busy until the point of complete exhaustion. I can't have any spare time to let my mind wonder.

I recently made a post about signing up for a 5k. I printed off a program that someone commented about in a post called "couch to 5k." I have been getting in the gym and working out several days a week. This has made a little bit of difference on how I feel. The added benefit is that I don't feel like eating junk food once I have worked out. (I love junk food!)

I have about 15 pounds that I would like to lose. So between wanting to lose weight, trying to train for the 5k so I don't look like a slacker and keeping my mind busy, I should easily be able to lose weight.

When I first moved out I would come straight home from work and sulk. Now I will find errands to run, go shopping (this is costing me a small fortune), go to the tanning bed or meet friends for dinner.

I have just come to the resolve that I need to stay busy all of the time. I am sure it won't always be like this but it is what I have to do for now. I have to keep my sanity.

My divorce was officially filed with the court yesterday and my husband should be getting served with the paperwork any day now. This isn't how I wanted things to end but he will not address his addiction with alcohol. It has gotten 3-5 times worse since I moved out.

What A Beautiful Day!!

2008-02-17T21:32:00.003-05:00

What a beautiful day! Today was my sister's 23rd birthday. So I drove up to her place in St. Augustine yesterday. My parents drove up last night and we went to Carrabbas. YUMMY! We had to wait an hour to get in. But it was worth the wait. Their warm bread with the olive oil dip... out of this world. I can't ever decide between the Sirloin Marsala and the Rigatoni Martino. So I had them throw the Sirloin on the top of the Rigatoni. My mouth is watering thinking about it.

Today we got up and drove to the St. Johns Town Center in Jacksonville. It was absolutely gorgeous outside. There were hundred and hundreds of stores. You name it... it was there. All of the shops are open to the outside. It was a gorgeous sunny windy day, I would guess it was in the 70's. I probably told my sister how nice the weather was 25 times. She got tired of me saying it!

We went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I requested outdoor seating because it was so beautiful. We sat outside and ate lunch... it was so awesome. I seriously live for days like this. I ordered Goat Cheese pizza. Well it was a Vegetable and Goat Cheese Pizza. I told 'em to leave off the vegetables. It was out of this world! I drank a yummy banana daquiri with my pizza and perfect weather!

Then it was cheesecake time! I had the Snickers cheese cake. YUUUMMMYYY!!! My sister had the Tuxedo cheesecake and she loved it too.

Well I have to say it one last time... what a beautiful day!!

Suffering from Sleep Deprivation

2008-02-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time I had a good night sleep. Leading up to me moving out and including 6 months before that I would stay up half the night. I would think about what I can do to change things, lay there and wish things were different or think about all of the things I need to do.

Now, I stay up half of the night because my brain won't shut off. When I finally go to sleep I have nightmares all night. Not just one, normally a few. I will wake up sweaty and looking around to see if anyone is in my room. I toss and turn in-between my nightmares. Then I will wake up wide awake an hour before I need to get up.

The stress of it all is wearing me out. Mentally and physically, I am just gone.

I don't know what to do. I have prayed about it, tried reading before bed (which usually puts me right to sleep) and I have tried a few other misc. things.

I mainly want the nightmares to go away. I hate them.

I recently downloaded some ocean waves music hoping maybe if I can vision the beach in my mind the music will put me to sleep. We will see...

Dying from Alcohol Withdrawals...

2008-01-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

Recently I was speaking with a friend and she told me that it is possible for someone to die from withdrawals from alcohol. I was completely stunned by this. So I began to research this.

"Many people wonder why an alcoholic could die during withdrawal. Well, the body has become so addicted to alcohol that it is now part of their chemical makeup. If you were to remove the alcohol in one fail swoop without stabilizing the body it could kill the alcoholic." ~ Spencer Recovery Centers

Alcohol Withdrawal symptoms include but are not limited to:

Shakes
Increased Hand Tremor
Insomnia
Nausea or Vomiting
Physical Agitation
Anxiety
Transient Visual, Tactile or Auditory Hallucinations or
Illusions
Grand Mal Seizures
Depression
Sweating or Rapid Pulse

I hope those loved ones in my life that need help seek it... I will continue to pray.

Will I Ever Have Peace In My Life?

2008-01-23T22:43:00.000-05:00

Growing up, I was a very active child. If my mom could manage to make me be still for 5 minutes I would fall right asleep.

Now, with all of the drama in my life, I have to keep myself ultra busy. Even just sitting down to watch tv. I can't just watch tv. I have to have my laptop in my lap or reading something. As soon as I let my mind relax for a moment I start to think too much and get really sad. Even when I want to spend a day on the couch watching LMN, I can't. It will end up bringing me down for days.

I am exhausted but I guess exhausted is better than sad. I just want Peace in my life. Whatever that may mean for me... that is what I want. I want to feel no sadness, no guilt, no anger... I just want to feel at ease. I wonder what that would be like?!

I have a few things that I do to try and relax but it is so hard to clear your mind of everything. Have you ever gone to the spa for a massage and tried to clear your head of everything. I swear it must be impossible. I try to focus on how good it feels and I can't.

I guess that is one thing that I am willing to keep trying to learn... clearing my head while getting a massage!!!

I Signed Up for A 5K Run/Walk

2008-01-19T23:30:00.001-05:00

In my quest to make a better me this year, I signed up to do a 5K with my work in April. This is near to almost hysterical! I can only run about a block right now... NO JOKE!

A good friend of mine said that Nike sells a Sports Kit for running shoes that I can put a chip in the shoe made by Apple and as long as I have my ipod with me, my ipod will track the miles and calories that I am burning.

You can check your mileage and calories as you are running. Then you can download the information to your computer and the program will graph it for you.

The Nike shoes that are compatible have to have the Nike sign followed by the + sign. So I set out for a new pair of shoes today. After I finally found a shoe that I could settle on, the employee in the Nike store said that the Apple program only works with the Nano... I have the itouch.

I was really disappointed and ended up leaving with nothing.

I have a couple of friends that are willing to run with me. We should probably run on a track because they are probably going to lap me.

So I have another goal to reach. I have always wanted to do a 5K but just never did.

I want this to be MY year. I want this to be the year that I achieved so many things to make up for all of the years that I devoted to being a wife. Look where that got me... with a broken heart and alone.

So now it is ME time. I must make the most of it...

Learning to Take Care of Myself

2008-01-17T20:26:00.001-05:00

Since I have taken the plunge and moved out my own, I am often told to "Take care of myself" & "Find who you are".
I thought to myself... "What does that mean?" I have even asked a few close friends what that means.
I am very slowly starting to figure out what it means. I am so use to going to work, coming home, fixing dinner, doing chores, cleaning and trying to pleas a man that is un-pleaseable.

Now I get off work and kind of wonder home. Most days I come straight home. But recently I have started to do stuff after work that I enjoy doing. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of not coming home after work when I was with my soon to be ex. My husband and our marriage always came first.

I lost myself in the last 12 years. Honestly... I never knew who I was because I got married at 16. You don't know who you are 16.

It is scary being all alone. I am left with just me... I have figured out that I am not happy with myself. I have a lot of improvements to make. I always had someone to focus my energy on and point out their faults... come to find out I have a few faults too! Who knew!? HA!

I am not confident at all. I rely on other people (my husband) for my happiness. I am scared of being alone. I have trouble speaking my opinion and thoughts. I am not assertive and confident when speaking to other people.

I have started to read and have a list of books that I want to read. I am searching for that instruction book that was suppose to have been sent home with my mom from the hospital!

So I have a lot of work to do on myself. I know I am going somewhere, I don't know where and I don't know how but I am going somewhere.

Right now I can only think about one day in to the future. When I start to think any further than that, I start to freak out and panic. So as they say... One Day At A Time!

I borrowed the movie "The Secret" from a co-worker. It is an excellent movie and I would suggest to anyone in any situation. It is a documentary about looking at only the positive things. We are passing it around the office, it was so good.

Divorce on You Tube

2008-01-17T20:06:00.001-05:00

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Another Adorable Divorce Cake

2008-01-14T22:44:00.001-05:00

Notice the divorce paper by his hand!

Girls Night Out

2008-01-13T19:32:00.000-05:00

It was a girls night out last night! A good friend of mine came and picked me up. We headed to Seasons 52 for dinner. That was the first time I had ever been there. The outside area had seating with a loud waterfall, the sound was so soothing. The inside was dimly lit with a few different fireplaces.

We ordered their Housemade Sonoma Goat Cheese Ravioli with sweet basil chiffonnade in a light garlic tomato broth and Rosemary & Parmesan Cheese Crispbread for an appetizer.

I can't describe how delicious the Goat Cheese Ravioli was. The goat cheese was out of this world, melt in your mouth leaving you begging for more. The only bad thing is, they only give you one ravioli! It had a really good garlic sauce that we dipped the crispbread in.

For my entree I had Chicken & Mushroom Penne Pasta broccoli, carrots, peppers and sour cream-mushroom sauce. It was good but it didn't measure up to the ravioli.

They serve their desserts in shot glasses. Good way to cut down the calories! I had the Tiramisu and it was great.

After we left there we headed to Dexter's. They had a really good live band. I normally don't like live bands but this one was good.

Looking forward to the next one...

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-01-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

I decided to post a pictures that bring a smile to my sole when I see them.
Maldives Dive Shop

Kenny Chesney :)

©2006 Kris KrosI love beach houses. They bring a peace to me just looking at them. This photographer used "tilt-shift" to take this picture.

Kenny Chesney on His Boat

I want to learn how to surf...

I want to scuba dive even though I am really scared, I am going to have to face my fear. I had a saltwater reef tank, so I would really love to see coral growing in the ocean.

I want to learn how to do all of the dances that were on "So You Think You Can Dance" & "Dancing With the Stars".
I just need to find a partner!

Spent the Day with My Best Friend at the Spa & The Melting Pot!

2008-01-06T17:46:00.001-05:00

I look forward to this day every year. My best friend and I spend the day at the spa together every year in January because both of our birthdays are in January.

We started out with putting on our white spa robes. I love those! Then we spend about 20 minutes in the steam room. We usually don't make it the full 20 minutes because it is so hot in there. Then we went back to the locker room and changed in to a fresh dry robe. Then I went for my facial and she went for her massage. Then we switched.

Then we sat down in the spa area and ate our lunch in our robes. I love the lighting and the smell in there. It is so peaceful. We had a huge salad with garlic bread.

We changed back in to our jogging suits and headed over to get a pedicure. We were offered a Mimosa so we obliged!

After that we were done and off to shower and change clothes at home so that we could go for a girls night out at The Melting Pot.We love The Melting Pot. It is soooo good! I think it is the perfect place for a girls night out. We started out with a Margarita and I had a "Yin and Yang" Martini. It was sooo good. Then we split a bottle of Asti.
We had Cheese Fondue, a California Salad, Shrimp and Steak Fondue, then a Yin Yang Chocolate Fondue. The Tin and Yang Chocolate Fondue is half white chocolate and half milk chocolate. They gave us brownies, marshmallows, strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, Rice Crispy treats, and pound cake to dip in the chocolate.
Then I decided since the wine was gone I would have another Yin and Yang drink. Yum Yum! We had such a good time. My face was hurting, we laughed so much.

I just wish life could be that way everyday.

We do this once sometimes twice a year... not nearly enough!

Feeling Alone...

2008-01-04T22:30:00.000-05:00

I will admit that I felt alone... a lot before I left. Sometimes I felt so alone laying next to him in bed it was scary. I didn't always feel like that but I did.

Feeling alone is such a feeling that isn't describable. I will admit, on Friday night when I drive home from work... I don't get that sick feeling in my stomach anymore. That is an improvement for me. Any ulcers I had developing must be going away by now! HA

I know a lot of people that think I am lucky to get to go home to an empty house, no kids, no chaos, and no husband. I will admit... it is nice sometimes. But it does get lonely. The things I miss the most are the simple things in life.

I miss watching t.v. with him. I miss having someone to share my day with when I get home. (I could only do this with him when he wasn't drunk in the months leading up to me leaving).

I can see how elderly people would not recover from their spouse passing away. Sometimes a couple will die within a few months of each other. I think I can understand that now. They spent 50 years with someone and now they are all alone.

I like the married life. I don't like the single life. I haven't ever hung out at bars or clubs. That isn't my style.

I like what I call the "normal" life. Go to work, come home, and sprinkle in some spontaneous getaways to the beach and I am good.

I don't like to "party". I don't get drunk... that often! HA HA Maybe once a year. I just like to have a couple of casual glasses of wine with friends over dinner.

So that is me feeling lonely and getting over it!

2008 is Going to be MY Year!

2008-01-02T20:42:00.000-05:00

I have declared 2008 as MY year! This is going to be the year that I will look back and know that this was the year I changed my life.

I have made a handwritten list of things that I would like to accomplish this year and I posted it on my fridge for a daily reminder. My list starts out with small things like take my vitamins everyday. I want to change my life in every aspect. So I started with rather easy things that I don't have an excuse not to do and built it up from there.

I also made a list of things that I would like to try or learn and put that on the fridge too. I may not do any of them this year but it just a friendly reminder of all the things that I do want to accomplish. There are things on there like:
learn how to surf
learn how to ballroom dance
try accupuncture

I made a goal to save a certain amount of money this year. So I broke it down to how much I need to save per paycheck in order to attain this goal.

The Holidays Are Finally Over and I Feel Great!

2007-12-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

The day after Christmas I woke up and felt so happy! I felt la huge relief. The stress of the holidays were finally over and I MADE IT!

I am so glad to have that behind me. I can look forward to 2008 being the best year of my life. I plan on making it that way.

I have huge goals set for myself. I am planning on sitting down and spelling them all out on paper and posting them on my fridgerator. That will give me a nice daily reminder of where I am headed and where I have been.

I have already got a jump start on one of my goals and it isn't 2008 yet. I plan on being really good to myself and being very gentle at the same time.

Without goals we have no meaning for our day to day lives. I think goals give us drive and make us keep leaping forward.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

What a day. I made it through it though.

I slept in until about 10:00 am. My sister stayed with me last night. She got up and took my dog out for me this morning. I was so appreciative, I got to stay in bed for a couple of hours longer. I got up and ate some good 'ol Lucky Charms and retreated to the chaise lounge where I went back to bed until almost 1:00 PM.

Then my sister and I went to our parents house for an early dinner. We had homemade lasagna, salad, and garlic bread sticks... YUM!

I made it back home about 4:00 PM and have been on my chaise ever since. I just want today to be over. I am sick of all the Christmas stuff... songs, presents, shopping, etc.

I feel like Christmas has been holding me back from getting on with my life. I feel like I can get on with it now.

The Holidays Are So Depressing

2007-12-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

I was dreading this day for weeks. I am dreading tomorrow even worse.

I slept in until about 9:30 this morning. I got up walked the dog, ate some waffles, ate some crackers, and ate some chips and cheese. Then I took my arse back to bed until about 1:00 ish. Then my sister arrived about 3:00 p.m. We stuffed out with some Taco Bell.

My parents want us to come over and open presents tonight. I really don't care when we do any of it and if we even do any of it. I just want to feel better.

I talked to him today, he sounded really sad. So naturally, that made me even more sad.
But this was his choice, not mine. He made the choice of what was more important to him and it wasn't me.

God grant me the serenity...

Thank Heaven for My Friends!

2007-12-23T00:04:00.000-05:00

I couldn't make it through the days without my friends. I really mean that. They have been...
AMAZING to me. I never use the word amazing, only when it is appropriate.

MY FRIENDS ARE AMAZING!

One of my friends sends me one and sometimes two cards in the mail everyday in addition to emailing me to find out how I am doing. She took me to lunch brought me to the grocery store to help me through my first trip of shopping for one person. Thank God she was there. I would have been a mess. Then she even paid for my groceries.

My other friend helped me organize my kitchen and living room the first night I moved in. She went and bought some groceries and brought them back to the apartment for me. She decorated my apartment for me. I felt like I was at home my first night here. It was awesome. Had I been left alone with all of these boxes by myself. I would have had a serious breakdown. She calls me every single day. I can't say enough good things about her.

Another one my friends keeps my "arse" in check. She reminds me of what I truly want and where I am going. She calls me all of the time. She and her husband helped me move. Without her husband, I am unsure of how we would have moved. Somehow she knew that I needed new sheets and bought me a set. I was at Target one night by myself and I had a set of sheets in my cart but I put them back because I cannot afford them. Then she called me that night and said she bought me a set of sheets. I couldn't believe it. She is so giving and loving.

This is starting to sound like a Mastercard "Priceless" commercial.

These sad days that I am struggling through would be so much worse without my friends.

I don't know how I could ever repay them. I don't think that there is a gift or monetary amount that I could name that could repay them for what they have done for me. All I know that is whatever happens in our lives I want to be a good friend to them as they have me.

I Feel Like a Train Wreck

2007-12-21T20:54:00.000-05:00

The only words I can find to summarize my feelings for today are "Train Wreck!"
I have so many things that I have to work. It is daunting. The worst part about it is that I am unsure of how to work on certain things.

I need to be more confident in what I am saying and be able to verbalize what I am trying to say. I had a situation today where I got a huge lump in my throat and I couldn't respond to the person the way that I wanted to. If I had spoken any words I was going to break down crying. I had to leave the room take 2 and 1/2 hours to re-group and be able to re-visit the conversation that I was having. I still go that huge lump in my throat and almost lost it again. I know a lot of it has to do with the separation with my husband.

I need to be able to stand tall and be proud. I want to be an outspoken person. I want to be confident and happy. I just don't know how to get there. I am unsure of the tools that I need to achieve this.

This will definitely be one of my goals for the new year. I have to learn to say what I mean and mean what I say.

I am a former extrovert trying to find my way again. It is going to take a while but I think I can do it.

I would love to be able to have all of these tribulations documented so that I can look back and hopefully realize how far I have come.

I want to remember this journey and most of all I want to grow and learn from it.

I am Going to Focus on Self-Improvement

2007-12-21T00:12:00.000-05:00

I have been on my own now for almost two weeks. In that short but really long two weeks I have started to find out a few things about myself. A few things that I am scared of and that scares me.

Right now I am trying not to look to far in the future because it is causing severe anxiety. The thought of not growing old with my husband nearly sends my stomach in to convulsions. The thought of him not being in my life scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I can handle not talking to him or seeing him everyday for the rest of my life. I believe that he is a part of my sole. He understands me like no one else. He can complete my thought and my sentences.

I have to take my life, literally, one day at a time right now. I have to focus on making it through the day.

I need to focus on me right now. I need to focus on what makes me happy and feeling good about myself. I have found in the past couple of weeks that I rely on other people for my happiness. I don't think that I am the only one with this problem.

People lose themselves inside of a marriage. Everything is "we" and now everything for me is "I". Using that verbage will takes years to get use to.

I am looking for some self healing and self-improvement books. If anyone can recommend one please do.

Take Good Care of Yourself

2007-12-12T00:20:00.000-05:00

"This will be the first Christmas you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you are taking care of yourself."

I love this quote - I edited the original version to make it my own.
But the quote started out from a lady by the name of Mary on
www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com

Life's Short. Get A Divorce. Funny Picture

2007-12-11T19:56:00.001-05:00

If you are un-happy in your marriage, get out!

Feeling Overwhelmingly Sad Tonight

2007-12-09T21:27:00.000-05:00

I am so sad tonight. The things I miss the most are just watching t.v. together and joking around.

One of our favorite shows was/is The Amazing Race. We even tried out for it a couple of summers ago. We watch it every Sunday.

Of course it is on tonight, so I have to watch it... by myself.

Everyone says.... "It will get better."

My question is, WHEN?

Everything I see, hear, or do reminds me of him.

I feel like I cannot join in on conversations with people at work because all of my stories have my husband in it and I am trying not to talk about him. So I sit quietly...

Build Up Your Strength... You Are Going to Need It

2007-12-09T17:33:00.000-05:00

I initially started this blog because I knew that a divorce was on the horizon. So I thought I would place some funny pictures on here to make myself feel better.

After nearly 12 years of marriage, I couldn't handle my husbands drinking problem any longer and I moved out yesterday.

It is amazing the strength that you can pull out of your sole when needed. I think it is sort of a coping mechanism that is built in your body. Similar to when someone dies you don't really realize it at first. I think that is what is going on with me.

I have had the love and support of my family and friends and that has helped tremendously. Everyone was at my house helping me move yesterday. It was so chaotic I really couldn't process emotionally what was happening. I still don't think it has sunk in yet.

I am in the "honeymoon" stage with my new apartment. That helps...

This is my first real place of my own. I haven't ever lived by myself before. I have to admit that it is liberating. I felt real liberated when I hauled all of my empty boxes to the dumpster today! HA!

I know the road ahead is going to be sad, rough, scary, emotional, and full of tears. I just hope that their will be a pot of gold at the end of this "rainbow" if that is what I want to call it for lack of a better word.

I plan to use this blog as a way to help myself get out my emotions and to hopefully help someone else out there that is going through the same thing.

Divorce Settlement Picture

2007-12-04T21:52:00.001-05:00

Finally! Divorce Cake

2007-12-03T22:06:00.001-05:00

Another Funny Divorce Cake

2007-12-03T22:05:00.001-05:00

Hulk Hogan's Wife Files for Divorce

2007-11-25T00:29:00.001-05:00

Linda Bollea filed for divorce on Tuesday November 20th. It came as a surprise to Hulk Hogan when he received a call from a reporter from the St. Pete Times informing him of the news.

Divorce Him

2007-11-18T17:37:00.000-05:00

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

How to rebuild your life, find a new hobby

2007-11-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

Moving on is very important when it comes to rebuilding your life after divorce. You will be out of it for a while, but you will find that you can rebuild yourself and learn from your mistakes. It is hard to part from someone who once was a part of who you where, but you will find that you can move on and find new things in your life to bring you joy and happiness. You can find a new hobby at your church, within your community, or within your home.

After you have allowed yourself to grieve, you will begin to want to find other things to fill your hours. If you are the type of person who like to be alone, you should find new things to learn that you can do by yourself. Take an art class at the local community college. Learn how to sculpt or do pottery. You can also learn how to write. You can write a story or article about your life to describe what you are going through. You may find that your hobby could turn into something that you can pursue as a career. You will be able to spend the hours productively than sitting in front of the TV eating ice cream.

Some women will take up a hobby that gets them back into interacting with others. You may want to join a local pool or bowling league. You may go to the community center and join a card game once a week. If you really want to get back into the interaction, you should take dance lessons. Learn how to ballroom or to do some jazz. Then you will be able to learn something and find something new to enjoy. You don't have to go alone, you can take a brother or cousin or dear friend to be your partner. It will be something new to experience. If dancing doesn't sound like a good hobby, you can take up a local job of something that you already know.

If you were really good at a sport, you may want to become an assistant coach or coach of a local high school team or college team. You can start up a new chapter of AYSO or some other thing. You can also do some community service to fill your hours. You can do things like feed the poor; raise money for your church or community, or other services that are needed.

Anything that you can shift your attention to will be a great thing. You will be able to let go of all the hurt and pain and focus on something positive. Even if you would like to increase your reading or do a 25,000-piece puzzle, do anything that will stimulate your mind and allow you to adjust your focus. When you find a hobby or something to focus your attention on you have less of a chance of focusing on the negative or starting bad habits like drinking or smoking. You will be able to find a positive release.

You can take many things, many classes, at local colleges that you can do with a friend. You can learn how to cook, paint, write, or anything else that will stimulate your creativity. Just remember that you need to find something that interests you and that is convenient. You can also find hobbies around the house too. You can go antiquing with a friend or you can remodel or redecorate the entire hours to your likening. Again, anything that will get you to focus on the positive outlooks on life.

DIVA Kathy Griffin on divorce, family, and her vagina.

2007-09-23T10:49:00.001-04:00

I Hate You!

2007-09-23T10:29:00.001-04:00

Divorced: She Got Half

2007-09-23T10:19:00.001-04:00

Cheating Bastard Divorce Lawyer Advertisement

2007-09-23T10:13:00.001-04:00

Divorce Court Street Sign

2007-09-23T10:07:00.000-04:00

Just Divorced Party

2007-09-23T10:04:00.001-04:00

Just Divorced Car

2007-09-23T10:02:00.001-04:00

Shanna Moakler Divorce Party Cake Picture

2007-09-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

Pink & Black Divorce Cake

2007-09-23T09:59:00.001-04:00

2007-09-23T09:56:00.001-04:00

Divorce Cake

2007-09-23T09:50:00.001-04:00

Funny Divorce Cake Picture

2007-09-23T09:48:00.001-04:00

Divorce Comic Strip

2007-09-23T09:47:00.001-04:00

Divorce Sale

2007-09-23T09:44:00.001-04:00

Divorce Billboard

2007-09-23T09:42:00.001-04:00

September 11th Divorce Newspaper Clipping

2007-09-23T09:40:00.000-04:00

I Want A Divorce Cake

2007-09-23T09:39:00.001-04:00